Deep within..

She walked up the stairs, relieved that she had managed to find the building. Now the only concern was to find the apartment. The fifth floor of the skyscraper and there it was, merry sounds floating out through the open door. She always preferred stairs over the elevator. Well, most of the times. A familiar face smiled at her as she was welcomed and lead by her hand into the apartment. Adi, one of her close friends was now the proud owner of this new apartment and he had gathered his close friends to celebrate. Amidst all the warm smiles she did not notice the face that stared at her from the moment she walked in. His face registered a pleasant surprise and a many year’s old familiar gleam floated back in his eyes. He stood frozen, all forgotten, in and about the room, except her. She still hadn’t noticed. He did not mind. Usual of her to not immediately start searching people in her vicinity, he got more time to watch her cheerful face and expressions and gestures as she chattered as usual. When the gathering around her thinned did she turn her gaze towards the balcony and noticed him standing. It was her turn to hang midway, every sense of hers. He still smiled in the same crooked way and the sparkle in his eyes was still the same. The beard was the only difference from the last time she had seen him but it only added to his handsome features. Her face suddenly broke into a shy smile as he waved at her. She was about to walk over to him when her friends called her. She looked at him again and turned on her heel, dazed at his sudden presence. Adi was showing her around but suddenly every view seemed to have her reverting back to the balcony.

The entire day was lost between gossips, food, laughter and noticing that he still stared at her the same way. Flitting in and out of conversations, the warm glow that bubbled inside struck up another conversation in a language that only they knew. A little time off and they wandered slowly towards sanctity of the balcony.  The sun was in to give a last glimpse before it vanished. They continued to look at the view, trying to attempt conversation.

“Barbeque, campfire and tents on the lawn people. Every inch is booked for us today. You can stroll around till you all are damn hungry” Everyone laughed as Adi called out to the small crowd.

“Let’s go” His eyes never left her face.

“Sure” Sara couldn’t get herself to meet his gaze.

They walked together, out of the apartment. Something slid down her stomach as the elevator made for the ground floor. Their classmates called out for them to join but she excused herself as he walked away, unable to refuse. Sara wanted to savour every ounce of luck that she had been bestowed with. Singing and dancing everyone was engrossed in enjoyment as they drifted away from each other, towards their friend circles. As most settled themselves cosily, she preferred to walk herself towards the other silent portion of the greenery. It sloped down from here, towards the basketball court.

The grass was warm. She sat down, half hoping that he would return. She slept on the lawn, staring at the stars for a long time. It had been one of her favourite past time hobbies. She did not notice him walk towards her until he spoke.

“Mind if I join?”

“Surely not” He slept beside her, not too close, not too far away. An arm tucked below his head, another resting on his stomach.

Ned remembered her from when she was an avid reader. And he never liked reading books. She loved narrating stories from the books she had read and that became their daily routine. The boy who wasn’t much into literature took interest in asking her to narrate new stories while he noted and loved the way she told them.

Her expressions.

Her gestures.

Her.

She recommended a few books for him to read, loving his keen interest only to know he returned them to the library without reading them. Somewhere she stopped asking him to read, wondering why did he even bother asking her to narrate books if he did not like reading. Somewhere, she understood why. Friendship shook hands with love as they pampered the new bond between two best friends.

“Who do you think came up with the idea of constellations, do you think?” Sara quipped.

“Definitely not me”

“That was a very lame joke.” She titled her head to watch him smile.

“Fine.”

“Do you know any or maybe can find one?”

“I can try.”

He fell silent as he literally searched for one.

She was looking towards the opposite side when he suddenly slide his hand in hers quickly and pointed with the other in a certain cluster of stars.

“That one, right there. See?”

“Where exactly?” She found it difficult to follow where he was pointing while feeling the warmth of his hand in hers. He tried a couple more times and when she could still not understand she asked him to draw the shape it resembled. He paused, his mind whirling.

“Ned?”

“Yes Sara”

“Did you really find something or was it just an excuse to hold my hand?”

She laughed as he fumbled to think for words knowing he was caught. She felt him decide whether to withdraw his hand or let it be. She laughed and held his hand in hers and lay it over her stomach. They continued chattering for a long time. A cold wind blew as they moved closer to each other.

“Now I think you are finding an excuse to move closer.” He teased.

“Oh, it’s not an excuse. I am moving closer” With that she filled even the remaining gap between them. He was awed at how brave she had gotten. Back in high-school, the bravest girl in all antics found it difficult to even stand close when it came to being in love. They lay there, without uttering a single word for a long time. Ned couldn’t bear being this close to the woman he couldn’t be together with.

“I think we should go”

He got up.

“Could you stay for a little bit more?” He never really had the heart to leave.

As he lay back down, she snuggled close to him as he held her and moved to keep her head on his chest. Ned couldn’t help but know himself blush too. He was happy she was here. He was sad she had been away.

“Are you falling asleep Sara? Should we go back?”

“No, its okay. I am fine. It feels nice here.”

“Ned, do you remember be sometimes.”

He propped himself up, turned on his side, his head resting on his palm. He looked at her face and was silent for a long time.

“I could never forget you.” She caressed his cheek and pulled him closer. Her lips touched his. Slowly, they kissed. She pulled away and looked at the man she had loved during her college. They had then never said how much they loved each other although they had no need to. The day they parted was when they had visited college to collect their marksheets. When she left the building, he stood on the stairs in front as she turned behind following her instinct. That was the way they parted, in silence, just the way they had fallen in love. It hurt because they had to stay apart. The years that followed during graduation, he avoided contact and she avoided trying, knowing it was good for both the way they were. Religion would have been a barrier to disappoint their parents, but deep down, they couldn’t be torn apart, no matter the time, no matter the distance. And here they were together again.

She was telling him about the times when she had fallen asleep under the open sky at her native place and how her grandpa would lovingly pick her up and carry her back to her room. And in the morning, would complain and pretend of having a back ache because she was too heavy to carry. She was describing to him some full moon story when she slowly drifted off to sleep.

He gently stroked her back, lying wide awake. Ned did not want to be unaware of the entire she was with him. After a while, he lifted her, not having the heart to wake her up. The stories she told were true, she was heavy to lift, he smiled to himself. He carried her to the camp tents as his friends watched. He lay Sara on her bed and covered her with a blanket. She stirred awake to find him looking at her and she mumbled.

“Ned don’t leave me this time, unsaid and unknown. Just stay for some time atleast.” She drifted off to sleep.

He looked at her sleepy face, her mouth slightly open. He bent forward to kiss her forehead for a long time. Morning was still a long way. He went back to engraving every little detail of her face, not knowing if luck would favour them again. His storyteller was being woven again into him, into his story.

He sat unaware of the world outside the camp tent they were in, his eyes moist.

 

Deep down somewhere…

She walked up the stairs, relieved that she had managed to find the building. Now the only concern was to find the apartment. The fifth floor of the skyscraper and there it was, merry sounds floating out through the open door. She always preferred stairs over the elevator. Well, most of the times. A familiar face smiled at her as she was welcomed and lead by her hand into the apartment. Adi, one of her close friends was now the proud owner of this new apartment and he had gathered his close friends to celebrate. Amidst all the warm smiles she did not notice the face that stared at her from the moment she walked in. His face registered a pleasant surprise and a many year’s old familiar gleam floated back in his eyes. He stood frozen, all forgotten, in and about the room, except her. She still had not noticed him. He did not mind. Usual of her to not immediately start searching people in her vicinity, he got more time to watch her cheerful face and expressions and gestures as she chattered as usual. When the gathering around her thinned did she turn her gaze towards the balcony and noticed him standing. It was her turn to hang midway, every sense of hers. He still smiled in the same crooked way and the sparkle in his eyes was still the same. The beard was the only difference from the last time she had seen him but it only added to his handsome features. Her face suddenly broke into a shy smile as he waved at her. She was about to walk over to him when her friends called her. She looked at him again and turned on her heel, dazed at his sudden presence. Adi was showing her around but suddenly every view seemed to have her reverting back to the balcony.

The entire day was lost between gossips, food, laughter and noticing that he still stared at her the same way. Flitting in and out of conversations, the warm glow that bubbled inside struck up another conversation in a language that only they knew. A little time off and they wandered slowly towards sanctity of the balcony.  The sun was in to give a last glimpse before it vanished. They continued to look at the view, trying to attempt conversation.

“Barbeque, campfire and tents on the lawn people. Every inch is booked for us today. You can stroll around till you all are damn hungry” Everyone laughed as Adi called out to the small crowd.

“Let’s go” His eyes never left her face.

“Sure” Sara couldn’t get herself to meet his gaze.

They walked together, out of the apartment. Something slid down her stomach as the elevator made for the ground floor. Their classmates called out for them to join but she excused herself as he walked away, unable to refuse. Sara wanted to savour every ounce of luck that she had been bestowed with. Singing and dancing everyone was engrossed in enjoyment as they drifted away from each other, towards their friend circles. As most settled themselves cosily, she preferred to walk herself towards the other silent portion of the greenery. It sloped down from here, towards the basketball court.

The grass was warm. She sat down, half hoping that he would return. She slept on the lawn, staring at the stars for a long time. It had been one of her favourite past time hobbies. She did not notice him walk towards her until he spoke.

“Mind if I join?”

“Surely not” He slept beside her, not too close, not too far away. An arm tucked below his head, another resting on his stomach.

Ned remembered her from when she was an avid reader. And he never liked reading books. She loved narrating stories from the books she had read and that became their daily routine. The boy who wasn’t much into literature took interest in asking her to narrate new stories while he noted and loved the way she told them.

Her expressions.

Her gestures.

Her.

She recommended a few books for him to read, loving his keen interest only to know he returned them to the library without reading them. Somewhere she stopped asking him to read, wondering why did he even bother asking her to narrate books if he did not like reading. Somewhere, she understood why. Friendship shook hands with love as they pampered the new bond between two best friends.

“Who do you think came up with the idea of constellations, do you think?” Sara quipped.

“Definitely not me”

“That was a very lame joke.” She titled her head to watch him smile.

“Fine.”

“Do you know any or maybe can find one?”

“I can try.”

He fell silent as he literally searched for one.

She was looking towards the opposite side when he suddenly slide his hand in hers quickly and pointed with the other in a certain cluster of stars.

“That one, right there. See?”

“Where exactly?” She found it difficult to follow where he was pointing while feeling the warmth of his hand in hers. He tried a couple more times and when she could still not understand she asked him to draw the shape it resembled. He paused, his mind whirling.

“Ned?”

“Yes Sara”

“Did you really find something or was it just an excuse to hold my hand?”

She laughed as he fumbled to think for words knowing he was caught. She felt him decide whether to withdraw his hand or let it be. She laughed and held his hand in hers and lay it over her stomach. They continued chattering for a long time. A cold wind blew as they moved closer to each other.

“Now I think you are finding an excuse to move closer.” He teased.

“Oh, it’s not an excuse. I am moving closer” With that she filled even the remaining gap between them. He was awed at how brave she had gotten. Back in high-school, the bravest girl in all antics found it difficult to even stand close when it came to being in love. They lay there, without uttering a single word for a long time. Ned couldn’t bear being this close to the woman he couldn’t be together with.

“I think we should go”

He got up.

“Could you stay for a little bit more?” He never really had the heart to leave.

As he lay back down, she snuggled close to him as he held her and moved to keep her head on his chest. Ned couldn’t help but know himself blush too. He was happy she was here. He was sad she had been away.

“Are you falling asleep Sara? Should we go back?”

“No, its okay. I am fine. It feels nice here.”

“Ned, do you remember be sometimes.”

He propped himself up, turned on his side, his head resting on his palm. He looked at her face and was silent for a long time.

“I could never forget you.” She caressed his cheek and pulled him closer. Her lips touched his. Slowly, they kissed. She pulled away and looked at the man she had loved during her college. They had then never said how much they loved each other although they had no need to. The day they parted was when they had visited college to collect their marksheets. When she left the building, he stood on the stairs in front as she turned behind following her instinct. That was the way they parted, in silence, just the way they had fallen in love. It hurt because they had to stay apart. The years that followed during graduation, he avoided contact and she avoided trying, knowing it was good for both the way they were. Religion would have been a barrier to disappoint their parents, but deep down, they couldn’t be torn apart, no matter the time, no matter the distance. And here they were together again.

She was telling him about the times when she had fallen asleep under the open sky at her native place and how her grandpa would lovingly pick her up and carry her back to her room. And in the morning, would complain and pretend of having a back ache because she was too heavy to carry. She was describing to him some full moon story when she slowly drifted off to sleep.

He gently stroked her back, lying wide awake. Ned did not want to be unaware of the entire she was with him. After a while, he lifted her, not having the heart to wake her up. The stories she told were true, she was heavy to lift, he smiled to himself. He carried her to the camp tents as his friends watched. He lay Sara on her bed and covered her with a blanket. She stirred awake to find him looking at her and she mumbled.

“Ned don’t leave me this time, unsaid and unknown. Just stay for some time atleast.” She drifted off to sleep.

He looked at her sleepy face, her mouth slightly open. He bent forward to kiss her forehead for a long time. Morning was still a long way. He went back to engraving every little detail of her face, not knowing if luck would favour them again. His storyteller was being woven again into him, into his story.

He sat unaware of the world outside the camp tent they were in, his eyes moist.

 

the dream…

They were friends since college. They had started as lab partners and ended up being life partners. The years seemed to pass by like a blur and yet they had savored every moment like the way a honey drop held on to its surface and  slowly ,then all of a sudden it dives onto your outspread tongue and melts slowly, the taste truly seems like heaven.  They had all kinds of memories together. They laughed , they talked. Sometimes they just held each other. Sometimes they fought , sometimes they understood without having to say. The comfort had gripped them into a tight bond. They shared their childhood memories as they made new ones.

They remembered the day before they had their wedding vows. He had visited her.They talked for about an hour , smiling at what was to come. He had promised to love her forever and she had promised to live their dreams together. He held her gaze as they felt their promises kindling with their hearts, settling for infinity.

Their home was under construction. They visited and walked around every week, deciding how pretty it was going to be. And they would end their tour of delicacy by standing together, hand in hand and watching the sun set behind their house, the paints seemed to have vanished from earth to fancy the sky.And then, he was ill. Towards the end, she had taken full responsibility and forbidden him to visit along with her. He never understood what it meant but never asked. He watched her come and go, describing the details but never allowing him to accompany. He never understood what she had in her mind.

Then that one night ,as the night had begun to fade , she woke him up and asked him to come along with her. He was confused and scared at what could have been so urgent, this early. She drove him , her face had a mixture of expressions as he watched her for a clue all along the drive. Deep in thought and a drowsy mind , he did not notice the route. And then, she hit the brakes. They were in front of their home. The dawn had begun to shower in as midnight slowly elapsed away ; the house had an elegance he had never felt before. “Close your eyes and  come with me.” She held his hand and lead him as he kept his eyes closed. She had lead him towards the backyard,a view well hidden unless walked into. When they stopped she whispered , “I love you.”

His eyes met a beautiful sight. There , perched like a dream , blessed by dawn , was a tree-house. A house that had been a memory he had shared a few years ago, something he did not have as a child but had never left his heart. All grown up, he was happy as a kid.

The leaves had spread as if eager to see the insides, the spiral staircase that led to the trapdoor, the open windows, somewhere made him feel that he was a child that had been waiting. The wait was worth. As nostalgia hit, he couldn’t suppress his smile. The warmth was overwhelming as he held her, he never realized some dreams never needed age to be happy.

She watched him , the gleam in his eyes had all the love.Well, he had something to remember. His illness had no heart.He wouldn’t live long. But he had her.

“And that is my most favorite gift ever.” he said to the little girl listening intently. He looked at his wife, smiling and crying at the same time. They had survived it all. He had lived, he had been cured but he cherished being loved above all.

 

 

 

its been a lifetime…

 

He sat on the bench, under the shade of the tree. The morning sunlight filtered through the leaves. The shadows and little sunlight let out a warm and cool glow at the same time.

The memories flooded through. It sounded like a gushing wind was released which was not meant to. The little boy besides him held his finger. The morning had its own warmth. He looked at the boy beside him. He looked cute as the sunlight kissed his cheek. The boy looked sleepy. He would come every day just because he liked to spend time with the old man. The little boy had expectantly asked him a question. A question unexpected but yet well-known.

He remembered his days when he never seemed to have the strength to move on. The first time when he had failed in an important exam that would have decided his career. The time when he was working hard but did not seem to be getting the results. The day his best friend had moved to a different city or when he had to give up his art to pursue a career. The day when his parents had to move to another house and leave behind the neighborhood where he had grown up. The day he had an accident and there were few chances of recovery, few chances that he would be able to walk again. And that day when he lost his mother all of a sudden.

The day when his the girl he had loved , left him. A certain period of days when he knew he did not have money even for food. He had seen his father cry at the kitchen table, unknown to him. The day when another job added to the list he had failed to get. The day when he had an idea but not the money. The time when the boys around him made fun and girls looked down with disgust at his clothes. The day when the roof was leaking during a heavy pour but there was nothing he could do about it and he had slept with wet blankets. The day when he had first met her but did not have the courage to confess his feelings. The day when his business was not doing well. The nights he had been awake worrying about his future. The nights he had been awake working hard to make his idea a success. A few years later, when his business had lost money and he was back at level zero, when he couldn’t look at his wife as she served dinner.The day they had lost their baby due to miscarriage.The day his father passed after a long term of suffering. The day when his life did not seem to go anywhere. He remembered the time when he wanted to suicide.

There were times when he did not know what to do, he felt lost, he felt he could go no where, he was a loser. He smiled as he came out of his memory world. The little boy had asked him,

”Grandpa, what is life?”.

He smiled because he knew the exact answer to his question. After a lifetime of wandering through shadows and sunlight , he knew the answer. Today , as he sat with his grand child, he then went back in time. He had found the courage to ask the girl he loved, they were married. He had a business that was well recognized. He had two children after they lost their first baby. He had a house with a roof that did not leak. He had money , he could eat a few delicacies now and then. He had what he wanted. Maybe not all as well as he still wished for. But definitely, a huge difference between his past and present. A good difference.

He looked at the little boy. “My little one, life is all about patience. About hope. About not giving up.It is about the ability to wait , the realization that you have to be patient for every big and little change. The sun takes time to rise and to set. You cannot be sad in the evening about wanting to see a sun rise. You have to wait for it. Patience, my dear, for every moment. And the belief, the hope, that times change. That you will , someday, find your destiny, even if at this very moment, you are lost.”

I feel glad to have waited,he thought as they walked back.

I feel good I never gave up.

Its been a lifetime , but its always worth in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

Lost innocence.

 

 

The silence prevailed for a long time. It should not have lasted that long. Or at least it felt unfamiliar to have lasted that long. The silence had been forced upon him in an instant. It was surprising though since a minute ago it seemed that the place could never rest in peace. The regular activity had been occuring since a long time. Since the time he was under the open sky. He had not remembered the place to be this silent in a long time.

His mother lay still beside him. The wind blew her fair across her face. She lay there looking tired. Her eyes had dark circles around them. A couple of bangles were broken from her beautiful set. He remembered his father having brought them for her a few months ago. She had shown them to him with such fondness. Her dress was a bit torn. But it did not stand out since it was so dirty. A baby he did not know, just a few months old, lay beside his mother all bundled up. He was staring at him, his little arms trying to uncover himself.

His father was nowhere to be seen. He had not been home since the past few days. Mother had told him that he would be away for a long time. Where exactly was he gone he had not understood but she had cried so often that he had stopped asking. He missed him too. He would wish he was with them. He always cuddled him whenever the cold breeze blew along.

He stared at his mother. He wished she would wake up. She had promised she was taking them to a new place. She had been scared to live here. He wished she would wake up. The colour had faded from her face and she looked weak.

A sudden shriek cut through the silence. The firing could be heard again. The war had not ended. His mother lay beside him in a pool of blood. A bullet had hit her hard in her chest. She lay motionless as he tried to call out to her. He now understood where his father must have been. The baby was crying. Maybe he understood the truth too. He looked down the road, all it had to show him was different pools of dried or wet, blackened or red blood  and bodies. The disfigured, misshapen figures were once people. Another explosion shook the remaining piece of land. Amid all the noise, he never understood war , but he understood he had to run for his life. He had nowhere to go, he had no one to go to. As he heard the clunk of metal boots, a new round of bullets being fired and new screams, he picked up the bundled life. He slipped on the road, it was difficult to run through the red puddle, the smell and smoke. His little legs carried him as fast as he could, leaving behind his tenderness as fast as they could. The war had served him no purpose except perhaps rendering him all to himself. He looked around one last time. Another bullet had hit its target.

the midnight dawn…

 

 

The chill of the winter was enough to last a lifetime. The platform was almost deserted except for a  few stray dogs. One man came walking around the platform at his usual time. The ragged clothes and dust bathed face was enough to repel anybody. He walked down the length  at his own pace , the stray dogs behind him. He seemed to be a regular. He found a corner and made himself as comfortable as he could which was the only option. A couple of the dogs sniffed lovingly.

“Sorry dear, nothing to spare today. We both are going to have a hungry night.” He ran his fingers through their fur as they tried to lick hi face. The moonlight was particularly intense today. They all snuggled together for warmth and for they were the only ones they had. An occasional rustle was the only sound . The night had its own silence that could be heard without even trying to . Used to the circumstances, the man fell asleep.

Somebody was walking with a quick pace and a heavy heart. Well covered from head to foot , no one could tell who the person really was. Maybe it was someone who had lost the way or was trying to find a shelter or some other reason. The moon lit the path. The person had a tiny bundle held close to its chest. As the wind blew, It pulled the bundle closer. Wishing nobody to be around , the person kept walking turning around often. It was difficult to keep going knowing what destination he was about reach. It was hard to keep going knowing the reason he had chosen this particular track for. Suddenly , he felt this had to be it. No one was around. He looked at the bundle in his arms. With one longing look, he placed it down and left. The midnight had ended.

Somewhere , a child bauled. The dogs barked.The man was wide awake. He had never woken up so scared. It took a few seconds to realize the sharp sound was a cry. The shrill was such that it might have well been heard at the next station. He calmed the dogs.He walked towards the edge of the platform. He wished the cry would at some point turn mute. It seemed to pierce everything that got in its way. He looked around and decided he would have to go down the path.A little reluctant as he was,  he did start walking. The dogs followed, thankfully quiet.He neared the spot. The moon seemed to have focused a little more of its light on what seemed to be a bundle.He picked it up. It was a baby not so well wrapped.He looked around. A new born could not have landed all by itself in the middle of a deserted place at such an odd hour. No one was to be seen around. Well, he thought , somebody seemed to have had a purpose to abandon this one. He looked back at the tiny face that screamed in effort. It seemed not to have realized that it was back in someone’s arms. Still crying for the ones that left behind , I suppose , he murmured.What do I do with you little one he thought as he walked back. As he reached back to his corner, the child had stopped crying. It looked frail. The man pulled the bundle closer towards himself. If not hunger, at least I can satisfy your comfort he thought. The child looked at him. As he rocked it to sleep, it suddenly smiled. You trust too easily, little one , I am only going to comfort you for the night, not for life. I don’t have anything to give you.He placed the child beside him. The dogs had already fallen asleep.All of a sudden, just before he could close his eyes, he felt something warm on his finger. The child had its fist closed around his finger. Maybe my dawn has arrived with you, he smiled and pulled it closer. They both did find a family.

The moon slowly faded its light. The midnight had found its dawn.

 

thankyou…

 

The day was a usual one. She was walking down the streets. The weather was just beautiful. The exact reason she had decided to walk and had asked the driver not to pick her up. The foreign land in the early days of her visit had seemed a little unfamiliar but now she felt like she knew every corner. Her job was great, the apartment was beautiful with a view, her friends had a job in the same city. They got together every weekend. Her parents had a visit every couple of weeks. She could not have been more happy in life. The best was that she had a loving husband. They had been married for five years now. Every moment that she could think of him, she felt as fond as it could ever be.
She stopped by a café. It was one of the regular places she visited. The owner waved at her as usual. She smiled and walked towards the counter. The yellow lights gave away a faded glow. That and the special smell made her always seem to stay. She chose her cosy seat by the window. It always seemed to be available whenever she visited the cafe which was always loved. She opened up one of the newspapers and read. The music was at the volume she liked, faded.
“Your coffee miss.”, he smiled.
“Thank you Jack. The place is not crowded as usual today.”
“Yeah. Just one of the days. It seems the snow is going to be rough this year.” He pointed to the weather report being displayed on the TV screen.
“Yes. But I am not complaining.”
“Wouldn’t expect you to. You have always loved it. I’ll leave you to your latte. Oh and before I forget, I got the album you were looking for.” She felt a sudden glow in her heart as she touched the cover. She had been hunting it for weeks now. She made for her purse, but he waved away.
“Just keep coming back. It feels good to have the regulars. People who I know personally and not as customers.” He turned to wipe a table. She went back to her latte. She did not see a man enter the café. Maybe she would have recognized him from back somewhere, maybe not. It had been a decade since they had last known each other. He walked to the counter and asked for a coffee. He paid the money and looked around for a comfortable corner. Besides a couple, an old man, a father with his child and a lady, it was only the owner and him. He was about to walk away when something made him look at her again and he recognized her. He could not believe his eyes. He almost decided to walk past her but something made him stay. She still hadn’t looked up from the paper. Well, its been a long time, he thought. He walked towards her as she looked up. An awkward silence followed as she stared at him. It took a few seconds to recognize him. He dared to sit down.
“Hey.”
“Hello. Quite an unexpected surprise.”
“How are you?”
“I am good. And you? ”
“I am fine. ”
A silence followed as she stared at him and he stared all over the table. He seemed to be working on the conversation when she decided to interrupt.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh I am here on a visit. I am staying at the hotel just around the corner. I was just grabbing a coffee around here.”
She wanted to say “I got that since you visited the café.” But she kept that to herself. She noticed he had given her a lot of details compared to his secretive nature years ago.
“No, not that. Why are you here, all of a sudden. Sitting in front of me.”
He felt lost in his words. He knew what she was referring to. The past few years he had been hoping to run into her somewhere. He had a certain realization with him that had never let his heart get rid of some feeling that made him uneasy. He had run around years , planning the conversation in his head, the scene about how it would go, what he would say, what she would say. Now, the rehearsals left him the way he had left her years ago.
He had been the one to ask her after a long time crush and pursuance. When she had agreed , he had promised to keep her happy. The start was all about love. Then over the next few months, she noticed a change in him but her trust kept her going . Then all of a sudden, after a few months , she had a letter handed to her through a common friend. She thought it was so sweet. Only till she opened it. The long heartless paragraphs were about how he thought she did care and love him, but he could not continue with her and how she was different than him and he no more felt the same way.
She had called him but he had not answered. She tried for a couple of days but to no avail. She decided to be brave about it. The next week she had her answer. He had left her for another girl. As he sat with his arms around her, she had silently walked past the scene unknown to him.
He avoided her. She had thought of him as a brave person. He was a coward. A pathetic coward. She did not feel angry. She felt sorry for him. After all the struggle, trying to meet him and talk to him, he had not considered her, turning a deaf ear to her feelings. She did not feel angry. She felt sorry for him. Him being considerate and his patience was all she had asked for, despite all other ups and downs to his side. The pretence had hurt her, the cowardice had been unexpected. She sometimes felt during days that followed when he had left, if she should have fought for him more than she tried. The day the truth was revealed, she felt good her intuitions had prevented her. That was the day she had left him forever for she realized, he wasn’t someone worth holding on to.
After all these years, he was here , sitting in front of her.
“I am sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t have left you…..”
She interrupted “ You have the girl you wanted. I knew. I did not confront you on the spot because I did not want to spoil her life, she would never have trusted you. You did not deserve but she loved you. I left because I knew she would love you. I let go because you were naïve. All I asked was for you to understand ‘ us ’ with time, but you are a selfish man. You gave me a load of convincing about the reasons for us not being able to stay together but I knew if you wanted to stay every reason would have faded. I let go that easy because you only fight for something that is yours. You never have to force it to stay,to be yours.”She was silent for a few minutes.
“Now, I assume this expression of guilt may have a price. ”
He welled up. “I was wrong. I thought you did not have an understanding. But no one cared like you did. Her love passed by. Your’s would have stayed and I let go for momentary pleasure.”
She suddenly stood up.
“I actually thank you. I had looked for a man who knew how to take care of his woman, not her needs. You were a boy. I have my freedom, I have my husband’s comfort. He has me. I know have what I really wanted. ”
She stood up.”And if you ever happen to be in the same place as me and see me, just avoid me the way you have all these years. As a parting gift, I let you go for someone else. This would be mine.”
She walked out of the café. She felt good.
He did not have the strength to move. He felt hollow.

together forever….

 

The apartment lights were still on. She was working late into the night. She typed furiously as the clock ticked. The coffee had turned cold. A few pages ruffled as the wind blew in through the open window. The music was played at a volume that was barely audible. The screen seemed to burn her eyes. After a long hour of typing and editing, she felt she heard someone stir in her bedroom. He must just be turning over in his sleep, she thought. She removed her spectacles and rubbed her eyes. She reached for the glass of water that seemed to have been emptied hours ago. She got up. She felt stiff. She filled the glass  and removed the dish from the oven. She walked back to her laptop. Leaning back , she stretched herself. It had been a long day. All of a sudden, the bedroom door opened and he walked out. He seemed surprised she was still awake.

“Why are you still awake?”

“Oh honey don’t worry ,I am almost done. Why are you awake?”

“Can’t sleep when you are not there beside me.”

He curled up on the sofa and placed his head in her lap. She kissed him. After a few moments, he fell asleep holding her hand. She ran her fingers through his hair. She always liked the way it felt. Soft and silky. She looked at him for a long time.

They were on a visit to this orphanage when she had first met him. She took a liking for him at first sight. He was a handsome boy who had been very shy then. He had followed her around the orphanage but had run away at every attempt of conversation. During lunch break, she had made him sit beside him. They did hit the comfort zone. It was the most pleasant conversation she ever had. When they were about to leave, he had made sure no one was seeing them and then, lightly kissed her. She had kissed him back. She had promised to meet him every weekend at the orphanage.

And she did. They sometimes had an occasional visit to the park or the zoo or the ice cream parlor. They were his favorite places. They walked hand in hand and talked about everything. It felt lovely watching his expressions as he chattered. Day by day she realized she wanted him in his life. She had grown so fond of him that she couldn’t live without him. She remembered the day she told her parents about it. They were shocked to their very core. They did not want her to, but they finally gave in.About the rest, she did not care.

And then, the most beautiful day of her life arrived.

She signed the papers .

She signed the papers for adoption.

Against raised eyebrows, he was finally hers. He had run into her arms and laughed and cried at the same time when he knew she would be his mother. She had savored the moments when they had first walked into their home for the first time. It was real. They could not have been so happy ever before.

As her son slept peacefully in her lap, she kissed him. They were together. He was with her, she was with him. She felt peace herself.

Daily Prompt: Pretend

via Daily Prompt: Pretend

 

The days of my life were good.Best to be considered in my terms. I was a traveler. A fanatic traveler. Places across the world seem to call out to me and they make me fall in love like no other person ever could. I had friends. I had friends I was close to . And then I had my own internal world of madness, my best friends. We had the best moments together. To be honest , I never looked beyond them. Like I was content on one side of the hedge. I never bothered to look beyond the hedge. Never did a thought cross my mind amidst all the couples that I should have a someone special. Never did my heart beat, sing in any other tune. Because I was a free bird. I had grown to take care of myself. I had grown to learn from all the screaming voices around me that love wasn’t my world. My love lay in in my own people,in my own travels. The carefree girl that I was , never saw you coming.
Never did I see you look at me with eyes that spoke of warmth. Never did I notice the fondness in your smile, the love in your eyes , the longing look that bathed my face , the times when you enjoyed stolen looks  when I wasn’t paying attention. Your attempts to have my time all for yourself.Never did I notice  your increased heartbeats when I walked towards you or the blush on your hot cheeks if by any chance I touched you.
Never did I notice the raging battle that you fought to pour your heart to me.
Never did I know , when did you ever fall in love with me.

I do remember the night , that night you confessed. The night when I felt time stand still, as if forever , all of a sudden. The night when your storm had subsided and mine had aroused. The time when a whole new world had been opened that I knew existed but had never bothered to travel. The only world I had not traveled. The only voice I heard was when you finally uttered my name. The moment when I looked deep into your eyes and there it was , an ocean of your depth of emotions. Your moist eyes had me imagine like a lost fog that was finally clearing itself out. The lost path that you had not dared to walk was finally clear. And I had walked away in time,stumbling , unsure of my sanity, unsure of the path, unsure of the answer you so wanted to hear.
And then the moment, I realized that somewhere all the things that went unnoticed had begun a new life in my heart. A heart that sang a different tune that I found to be pleasant, comforting . I had finally begun to trust comfort. I had finally understood that it felt good to be in love , scary as it was , I decided to walk the path. You had the answer that you were looking for. And I had the smile that no one knew I did.

I remember the moments together. The best time with the best person.You made me laugh , you held me when I cried , you made me feel yours.I had finally found love.
You  still let me be free. But your love had given me a home in the open sky.You let me hold you in your dark hours , you let me walk you through your shadow.

And I do remember the night , you left. You left me like a small bundle of mess in a storm , a storm that would never subside. A storm that had risen in a tender heart that had just known to be in love besides all fears , against all odds. Like a small sapling , pushing from within  a rock as a few drops if dew had seeped through and then when it had broken through the surface did it realize , those were the only drops of dew.

I still cherish when you confessed your love. I wish you would confess if u ever miss me. You traveled far away,  beyond my world, if only your voice could be carried back to my little world , maybe the storm would finally find peace….
She looked up from the script. Someone behind her said “God I always forget at the end that you pretend to be the character. Its not you, it’s not real. Its hard believing its not real. ”  Everybody broke into an applause. She smiled .

Well, the pretense may have some truth, she thought as she walked down the stage.

a smile forever…

The place was usual. The scene was usual most of the days. The colors, the people travelling by that road were usual. The weather was usual. The sounds, the rush was usual. But something was different. The clocked ticked as usual but someone had made time stand still. Someone who was a usual face. A usual for the place, not the people. For them he was a person that they occasionally spared a glance and sometimes a few coins. Coins that were thrown at him, not to be given but to drive him away. They flinched every time they saw him, their eyes screamed in horror, the voice was carried to his heart , their faces were not so good to conceal.

He had gotten used to their stares, he had slowly and painfully learned to lower his eyes as he begged for food. His respect had been broken to pieces the day he had first opened his fist , the way his fingers were spaced. But he felt himself lose a one of the broken pieces every time something harsh managed to pierce his heart. The way he had to every time knock a window, hoping that they would slide it down. Most of times, he faced his own reflection that stared back at him through one of the moments when he dared to lift his gaze. His sunken eyes stared back at him like a dried hollow tree that had lost hopes to blossom. If ever did the glass slid down, a coin or two did land in his palm. A few out of pity, a few genuinely understanding his hunger.

The weathers had written their own stories for him. The summer made his feet burn, the winter made him shiver hopelessly and the rains drained him to his core , sometimes his despair mingled with them too. Nobody did ever notice. He did not know if being a leper had  reduced him to a body that struggled to live by with whatever  little life he had with him or being a beggar. His leprosy had never rid him of his will to live nor had his own set of the dark moments of loneliness had. He never did mind the distance they tried to maintain, it never ripped him.

But their stares had. Their mocking had. Their flinching had. Their refusal to smile had robbed him of his ability to look up. His own bleeding limbs seemed less painful than his lost identity. He could not quite recall when he had laughed, when he had smiled willingly. He watched the sun and knew the difference that it so clearly emphasized at every sunrise and every sunset. He was the sun that would never rise again, he moved slowly towards the horizon, his time would come. He questioned the sun if there would at least be one different color for the time when he would set, for a few seconds at least, to acknowledge that he had lived.

This rushed through his mind at this present moment. He could not recognize, could not trust the new curve on his withered face, the new spark in his eyes as he stared at them. They had fed him home cooked food, quenched his thirst. They had said they watched him that noon, weak and frail. They had come to take care of him. They had come to genuinely come for him. They had sat beside him as he at, they had talked to him, they had lost their words when he had narrated his life. For the first time throughout his misery, had someone come for him. He had smiled. He did not recognize the emotion, but he felt the warmth, it made him feel good.

He watched them lift his body and carry it away. His soul floated at the horizon, smiling. The sky was a mixed shade of darkness and light. A mingle of colors, like they were not sure if they could ever move away from their embrace. And everybody noticed it. He had set in his world with a smile. That was a good end. He had his smile forever, its warmth glowed.